If you are online enough in trans Twitter, you must have seen the situation where some bigots tries to upset trans men by saying "You will be never be a woman. You are a man" and everyone responding "Yes, he is a man" back. It's mildly funny but gets sadder when you find out this isn't an isolated situation. Whenever someone talking about trans men, you can always see some people genuinely baffled at their existence.
This is reflected in the media around trans gender people as well. Stories that involve trans gender people, cross-dressing people and gender bending content in general seems to focus on (for lack of a better term) male-to-female content. Heck, there is a whole category for fetishization for trans women. At the very least, it seems to brings more attention, trans women creates a sensation or outrage that trans men doesn't create, for some reason.
People with anti-trans agenda keep pushing trans women into public eye more and more too. Anti-trans publications, like stuff Ray Blanchard put out focus around trans women. When someone wants to mock trans people, their image is "man with the woman clothes". When the place of trans people in pubic spaces is discussed someone scream about "men invading women spaces". While no doubt they just hate trans men as well, trans-exclusionary feminists seem to just cannot shut up about trans women.
But unfortunately, trans men seem to less visible in trans spaces too. This might be a personal bias on my part but, public trans spaces tend to be trans feminine dominated, most jokes and stereotypes seem to revolve around trans feminine people. These feelings are solidified when a trans organization called trans men as "allies" for a meeting, in fact that was the thing that mostly made me wrote this article.
But why? Why is that? Why always trans women? How someone cannot comprehend the existence of trans men? Is there an unspoken communication problem between trans men and trans women?
The answers seem to be divided into two categories:
1. "Men in dresses"
(bless r/traaa for the memes)
Let's reverse this for a moment. Let's think about "women in suits". Can you imagine reactionaries using that phrase as an outrage against trans men? Honestly, I can not. While certain reactionaries are vocally for heavily restricting women's outfits, the image itself is no where nearly threatening as "men in dresses". People can find "women in suits" unusual or they can even get angry about them, but it is not seen worth naming, "What's so special thing about it" asks the confused person, because they learned that "transgenderism is feminizing men"Because folks, that's how patriarchy works. Masculinity is normal, femininity is the other. Norms need not distinguishing, that's why they are norms. So masculinity can be just simple, vague and "less". Simple hair, simple clothes, fewer colors, ideal masculine body type are more easily ignored, more relaxed and carefree behavior. If you have any body hair thicker than a stubble, you are just in the masculine club now. Let's admit it, most things we call gender neutral? They are just masculine, normal. Masculine ideals work this way too, they are usually just what people think good, and normal.
Femininity on the other hand is far more strict. Femininity is coded for specific duties, therefore must meet specific requirements: Maintain an eligible type of body with heavy-set of rules, absorb the masculine action, be able to do emotional labor. It's very restrictive, I say this as someone who loves femininity, if you want to maintain a persona that is recognized and praised for its femininity, you have to give a lot of effort.
So what does this make "men in dresses?" Whether they are actual men or just AMAB, "dress" others them. But femininity is not something you can just have, it's granted by specific requirements, so you are just othering yourself, which is revolting in the eyes of patriarchy. It's way of dealing is making it absurd. Men playing as a woman has a deep history in entertainment. Cross-dressing by its very name implies it's a non-casual act that is done for, again, entertainment; it's not surprising to see it's so focused on female clothing.
But when "men in dresses" actually want to claim femininity, the real pushback comes in. Patriarchy does not want femininty become free, whether in cis women playing loose with the boundaries or trans women becoming women. The rhetoric is so strong because people can't imagine someone voluntarily giving up masculinity so trans women are never sincere, they must be predators or exercise some kind of fetish.
Of course this doesn't mean trans men are more easily accepted or something like that. Invisibility is the weapon against them. Violence of patriarchy cast trans women as public targets and crushes trans men into the obscurity.
2. Anti-masculinity in trans spaces
This is we really don't want to talk about but, we are not friendly enough to masculinity in trans spaces.- Trans feminine people can enjoy femininity without limit.
- Patriarchal violence and being repressed into masculinity fosters disdain towards it.
- Reactionary elements within trans culture that endorses fetishization of trans women, which in turn not seeing trans men worth of attention in general
We need to always remember that there is nothing wrong with masculinity in itself. Most people of course doesn't think that consciously but blanket statements against men, liking men can make people unwelcome. A lot of trans women will say they welcome masculinity and they are not lying about it. We often go so far to push masculinity away from ourselves that we end up pushing it out in our sight, even without actively trying to do so. It's easy to tell trans masculine people that we totally support them, but when people feel their masculine identity is not worth celebrating as much they might not help but internalize saying backslash. Genderqueer people, for example may find it harder to make peace with their "men" side. Or some people might have a harder time they like men, which just makes internalized anti-bi/anti-pansexuality for bi/pansexual people. I use a lot of "may"s and "might"s here, but I personally witnessed all these situations, they are not too rare to encounter if you lurk in online spaces for trans people.
Thankfully, better awareness can go a long way. Even when just cutting with excessive jokes about how men are terrible and how testosterone is worst thing ever helps a lot. Again, I am perfectly aware much of it is related to dysphoria and how masculinity is often toxic. But we can express our frustrations and critiques without making people invalidated.
Frankly, trans men are just better at this. They generally don't talk about how damning make-up or long hair is, trans men are aware how repressed femininity it is. They might hate femininity for themselves and do their best to escape from it, but they are more careful at not to shame femininity itself. Dysphoria hurts a lot and it is irrational, but we need to always remember that some people might desire the very body parts we hate. I really hate body hair, have a hard time of thinking about how anyone can want body hair. I can't relate to trans men for getting excited about beard but I can relate to them being comfortable in their own bodies and get happy them. Being happy in our bodies is something that should be unites us, not divide. So, please, let's put more effort in this.
One necessary thing we must do is getting rid of "pink pill" stuff. What I mean is, memes like force-femming, "turning men into women" shouldn't target anyone besides trans women who are already out. I get it, a lot of questioning people (myself included) can relate to these stuff and it might help to their discovery but we shouldn't force anyone who doesn't want to participate in it or feeling inferior for not liking feminine presentation for themselves. As it stands, "pink-pilling" is hard to separate from its reactionary background a. k. a "men in dresses." In the days these article is written, there is a conservative fear mongering that trans women add estrogen to coffees to feminizing tem. It's not hard to see the parallels with "pink-pill". I love femininity, Feminine boys are very good. But we should make it clear that being trans is not about feminizing. It's about being comfortable with your body. We should create room and encourage all the ways of feeling good about your presentation, whether is masculine, feminine or androgyne.
It really is not just a joke. Trans people should know first han that how jokes entrench problematic attitudes. Sometimes, anti-masculinity really gets out of "fun zone". People try to lump trans men with cis men together, claiming trans men somehow have an easier time getting accepted. even sometimes going so far as to claim they have "male privilege," ignoring the abuse trans men get.
In every oppressed group, they are always people who try to find some kind of superiority in their own oppression against other oppressed people. But with trans men, people can do this without much backslash. Let's admit it, among our spaces talking bad about men is pretty easy and anyone who criticize it regardless of reason, risks just getting painted as some kind of anti-feminist or people who would use the hashtag of #notallmen. Yet here we are, seeing the damage of uncritical backslash aganist men: People being "woke" by excluding trans men from a trans rally. This is what really being invisible is, people trying to liberate trans people without even trying to consider trans men's places.
So, we need to stress something: No, all men are not trash. Not in the way anti feminists say it, bad things are not caused by just some bad men. But patriarchal violence affects men too, it really affects trans men a lot. Toxic masculinity is a deep problem, but if we push away the healthy expression of masculinity, then how we expect trans men to validate themselves? We should fully support masculinity to become queer, it might sound weird yes but even it can be patriarchy-defiling.
Trans masculine people are valid.
This is not a generic support statement. When I say this, I try my best to really feel it in my soul. I admit, I perhaps struggle more than I should. It's the same struggle when I try to compliment trans men. I often see people as cute, but maybe I just look at people from overly feminine perspective and this might end up hurtful for trans men. I never figured it out what looking "handsome" means. For myself; I really love femininity. I want femininity to really run wild. In contrast, masculinity seems out of place, dull, boring and even scary. I can't help but be wary of overtly masculine behavior sometimes.In times like this, perhaps best thing to remember is that no one person is the center of the universe and it's just as normal to people embrace and identify with things we find alien to ourselves. And when we just push ourselves a little, we can see a friendly, warm side of masculinity. When we stop pushing central narratives even as mere jokes, things that are forced upon us can be endearing, liberating even.
This is why once again, I say it, strongly: Trans masculine people are valid. Masculinity is valid. There can be no liberation when society pretends one identity of transness doesn't exist. I don't care how corny this sounds: Dear trans sisters, let's use our over-visibility as a positive force for our trans brothers and siblings. Let's celebrate masculinity in its own uniqueness. After all, everyone is the most beautiful when they truly look like they want.
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